Honestly, Im so depressed I don’t know what to do anymore. I just can’t stay happy. I love my son and my boyfriend and everyone else, but I just can’t be happy. The holidays make it worse. Knowing you can’t spend any money on anything you want, knowing you won’t fit into anything cute, knowing you don’t know what to get your friends without having to sacrifice anything for your family too. These times are always depressing but manageable. Just not this year though. It really sucks. Because I have no one to talk to and Ryan just doesn’t understand. He says those who want to kill themselves are selfish. Which is true, but if you were in the mind of the person at that exact time and moment then he would understand.
Okay so I wanted to put this on facebook, but I just coudn’t. I’m really high right now so typing this is kinda hard. But tonight I asked Ryan if we would get married and he said yes. I’m so happy. He’s never said that before. I really believe him too. I love him so much. I love my son so much. I hate being so grumpy all the time. There’s no point to it and it just raises my blood pressure and makes me look crazy. So when I went into work today, I tried my hardest not to be upset and pissy. And it worked. I was pretty content. Granted I was really tired and really hungry and it was super busy. But it’s been a good day overall and I wouldn’t take it back.I love Ryan with all my heart and I’m so happy we are going to be together for a while. At least hopefully. Nothing is ever set in stone but I don’t see this going anywhere anytime soon. I don’t know I just had to share this. Now that everything is paid off and we don’t owe any friends anything (other than my mom) I’m so relaxed. This is the most relaxed I’ve felt in a long time. I love my family and everything that comes with them.
Why the fuck am I even alive. Why couldn’t my mom just have an abortion with me too. Everyone would be happier.
Im just a big disappointment
Seriously nobody gives a fuck. What happened to having someone to talk to?? Now all people say is suck it up. I cant anymore. Im about to fucking snap. I just dont want to be here anymore. Im tired of this. All of it.
Being the first one up really sucks. Brad spent the night last night so Ive gotta try to keep Jonah quiet from him and Ryan. So we are in this room and he’s being the biggest brat ever. I hate doing this every morning. It gets annoying, exhausting, and just frustrating.
Im done telling people my problems. Nobody truly cares.
Just a father and mother kissing their dying little girl goodbye. If you are wondering why all the medic people are bowing: in less than an hour, two small children in the next room are able to live thanks to the little girl’s kidney and liver. - Imgur
“Powerful” isn’t a good enough descriptor for this image series.